Balanced Living

Ten Rules for Being Human

By Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body.  You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons.  You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.  Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation.  The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned.  A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it.  When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.  There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons.  If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.”  When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you.  You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.  You have all the tools and resources you need.  What you do with them is up to you.  The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you.  The answers to life’s questions lie within you.  All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all of this.

Do Something Different

Have you ever thought about how much of what you do each day is automatic? 

Many people are living their lives on auto- pilot.  They do the same things every day; talk with the same people, go to the same grocery store, drive the same way to work and watch the same TV shows.

People tend to be creatures of habit.  Familiarity creates routine, which fosters a sense of security and control.  If people know what to expect their anxiety is reduced.

One of draw backs to living life on auto- pilot is that it prevents people from growing.  It can kill the excitement of relationships and prevent people from experiencing fun in their lives.  It prevents people from trying different things and taking some risks, causing people to be stuck in a monotonous life.

Breaking routine and creating a life of new experiences requires a conscious effort.  Many people spend very little time living in the moment.  They are either lamenting about their past problems and negative life experiences or they are living a life of anticipation of the future, which generally creates a feeling of anxiety.  When people focus their attention on one thing that is happening in the moment they get more satisfaction out of every second that passes by.  It brings their consciousness back to being alive rather than an unconscious existence when living on auto-pilot.

In addition to developing mindfulness awareness, do something different every day.  Take a different route to work, cook something you have never made before, listen to a style of music that is unfamiliar to you, or watch an educational TV show rather than the usual sit-com.     

Ask yourself what you would normally do in a certain situation and do the opposite.  Rather than spending an evening watching TV, go for a walk or a bike ride.  Your body may need to physically adjust if you become more active but when done in moderation, and with a mindfulness focus, the benefits are both physically and emotionally beneficial.

Every second you are faced with different choices.  You can either make choices consciously or react automatically.  You can create a life of enjoyment full of experiences or fall into a routine of existence.  The choice is yours to make.

Feeling Your Feelings

“The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings”
-Gita Belllin

This sounds pretty simple, but though it’s easy to know you have feelings, easy to know their weight and agitation and suddenness of mood, it is another, more sublte matter to feel them - that is, to let them penetrate your being the way wind snaps throgh a flag.

This is necessary because if we don’t feel our feelings all the way through, they never leave us, and then we do all kinds of unusual things to get out from under them.  This is the cause of many addictions.

I’ve diverted myself many times by becoming involved in what surrounds my pain or sadness, while never feeling the thing itself.  So when someone asks me how I feel, I wind up retelling the circumstance of the pain, but not feeling it.  Or strategizing what to do next, but not feeling it.  Or anticipating reactions, but not feeing what s mine to feel. Or swimming in anger or injutice, but not diving through the wound.

Though we fear it, feeling our feeings is the only clear and direct way to free our hearts of pain.

The Book of Awakening
Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
Mark Nepo

Holiday Depression and Stress

The holiday season can be a time full of joy, cheer, parties and family gatherings. But for many people, it is a time of self-evaluation, loneliness, reflection on past failures and anxiety about an uncertain future.

What Causes Holiday Blues? 

Many factors can cause the “holiday blues”: stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial constraints, and the inability to be with one’s family and friends. The demands of shopping, parties, family reunions and house guests also contribute to feelings of tension. People may also develop other stress responses such as headaches, excessive drinking, over-eating and difficulty sleeping. Even more people experience post-holiday let down after January 1. This can result from disappointments during the preceding months compounded by the excess fatigue and stress.

Coping with Stress & Depression During the Holidays 

 §  Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize the important activities.

 §  Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Don’t put the entire focus on just one day (i.e., Thanksgiving Day). Remember that it’s a season of holiday sentiment, and activities can be spread out to lessen stress and increase enjoyment.

 §  Remember the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely; there is room for these feelings to be present, even if the person chooses not to express them.

 §  Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. Don’t set yourself up in comparing today with the “good ol’ days.”

 §  Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some of your time to help others.

 §  Enjoy activities that are free, such as taking a drive to look at holiday decorations, going window shopping or making a snowperson with children.

 §  Be aware that excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.

 §  Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.

 §  Spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.

 §  Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities.

Gratitude Among Turmoil

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”    Anonymous

These days there is so much uncertainty in our daily lives that it can seem overwhelming.  The news bombards us with economic decline, people are struggling to make ends meet and oppressed youth are turning their hurt inward resulting in self-destructive behaviors.  The uncertainty of the future often brings despair and hopelessness…but does it have to?  Do we have the ability to give thanks while experiencing the struggles of life?

Yes we do!  Without thanks, the overwhelming struggles would go unappreciated.  Our daily perseverance needs to be recognized for what it is…a continual triumph over adversity.  No matter how bad things may appear, we are always in a position to give thanks.

When we look at being grateful for all the things we do have, our attitude changes from pessimism to being more appreciative of the here-and-now.  All that we have control of is this moment.  Living in the moment changes our attitude to gratitude.  It brings inner peace and provides direction for tomorrow.