Balanced Living

Ten Rules for Being Human

By Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body.  You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons.  You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.  Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation.  The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned.  A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it.  When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.  There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons.  If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better a place than “here.”  When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you.  You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.  You have all the tools and resources you need.  What you do with them is up to you.  The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you.  The answers to life’s questions lie within you.  All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all of this.

80 Year Journey

The people who make a lasting impression on me are those people who willingly share their life stories without reservation or fear of judgment.  This past weekend, while visiting family in Arkansas, I met one of those people.  Even though our interaction was relatively brief and only a small part of her life was revealed, the emotion and confidence that was conveyed reinforced my belief that each person’s life story has significant meaning not just for them but for those who are willing to listen with their ears and with their heart.

As I entered the room, Sara greeted me with a smile, genuine handshake and her eyes radiated warmth.  There was nothing pretentious about this fascinating woman and I knew that our time together would only increase my understanding of who she was and how the events of her life shaped the person she is today.

I discovered right away that Sara enjoyed talking and there was little hesitation for her to express her thoughts, ideas and experiences.  What was different than many people was the amount of insight that she expressed.  She did not talk just to be making noise or to distract from revealing who she really was.  What she said was meaningful and it was conveyed in such a way that made me want to know more about her.

Sara described how the relationship with her husband  changed her from a passive and submissive wife to a person with self-respect and confidence.  This process occurred over the course of 66 years of marriage.  Sara married at the age of 14 and had her her first child at age 15.  Her husband, Marcus, was also very young. Sara described fulfilling the passive role that was taught to her by her mother and imposed upon her by her husband.  After realizing the negative impact this was having on her children, as well as the relationship with her husband, Sara began taking steps to set boundaries by expressing her needs.  This was not always received well and often appeared to disrupt the family system, but what it did for Sara was increase confidence in herself.  She got her drives license at the age of 28 and she was determined to learn as much as she could.  Sara had only a 2nd grade education but this did not stop her from teaching herself to read and write.  Sara was eventually employed in the school system.  She did not let the constraints of her environment keep her from being the person she passionately wanted to be.   

Sara’s husband died 4  months ago due to congestive heart failure.  She had cared for him as the disease progressed but she was also able to care emotionally for herself.  Her desire to improve herself as a person over the years, contributed to her ability to be there, not only for her husband, but also for other people who she encountered along her life journey.

As I drove home from Arkansas to Atlanta, GA, the life events that Sara told me about stuck in my head.  The long, flat road through Tennessee seemed to go on for miles and I had time to think about and recognize some life lessons I had learned by listening to Sara’s story.  Her approach to life situations was not one of mindless acceptance but was seen as opportunity for change.  Her happiness was not totally dependent on external factors but she drew strength from within herself as well.  This internal strength moved her into action to make changes in her life that brought her satisfaction, self-worth and purpose. 

I was challenged to examine my own life and my attitude about my current life situations, problems and perceived stressors.  When I think about actively make changes in my attitude and use the resources both around me and within myself, the future seems more manageable and I feel that my life is more in balance.